i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
