You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
