I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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