When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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