i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
