He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
