Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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