the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
