So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
