I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I look better un-naked...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
