Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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