There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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