I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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