Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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