just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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