I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
