I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
