this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
