It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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