Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
