it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
