I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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