I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
