Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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