First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
