how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
