I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
