Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
