Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize