So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
