what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
