So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
