i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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