im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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