Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
