You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love accidental penises.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
