I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
