she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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