please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Terrible idea I love it
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
