mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
