And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
