so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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