Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
