Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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