I cockslap morals
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
