I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
