If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
