Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
