i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
