i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
