she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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