I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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