When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
