so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
