News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
