This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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