Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
