guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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