Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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