i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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