I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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