Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
