My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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