Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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