nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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