benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
