He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you didnt know i had herpes?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic