i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.